Saturday, July 9, 2011

Please Honor My Silence

How are you?  I can't tell you how many times a day I hear that right now.  Everyone who knows that I lost my best friend asks everytime they see me, talk to me or text me.  My standard response is "I'm OK" because it's easier than the truth.

The truth is I'm not OK, my heart is broken and has not even begun to heal yet. I am still trying to figure out who I am without my "no matter what" after 25 years of having him. I am certain that if someone pulls a loose thread on me, that I will unravel into a million tiny pieces.

I am not laying on the floor all the time anymore but there are still times when it's the only thing that helps.  I am upright most of the time but I sometimes have to hold on to something when I feel like I am spinning off into space. That's how I am.

And I am spending a lot of time in silence.  The silence is soothing to me.  The silence is necessary.  Please don't ask me how I am, or how he died, or who he was, or anything else about him in an attempt to be supportive-I don't want to tell you.  I am having trouble getting words to come out of my mouth right now.  All anyone can do to help me through this is honor my silence for as long as it lasts.  I will let you know how I am when I am something besides this.  Promise.   

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