Tuesday, December 27, 2011


Its been a while since I've posted.  This last painting class I took called DEEP took me to places so deep within myself there were no words for what was happening. It took me completely out of my comfort zone in ways that were incredibly difficult and beautiful at the same time.  It so wasn't about the painting.....have I said that before? Anyway, I neded some time to digest it all.

The first part of the class I did some abstract pieces both I hated and walked away from.  I kept hearing these painting tell me to add white.......so scary for me because I dont really paint with white...dont know why, jst don't.  I gave in and added some white to both aintings and they were transformed into something beautiful that I love.  Both BIG pieces are framed and on my mantle.  First time I have put up a piece of my art anywhere but my studio and office. The lesson for me in painting and in life, was to LET THE LIGHT IN.  I am worthy of it and so is my art.  Allowing the Light (Creative Source) into my art and life created a level of contrast and beauty that I would have missed otherwise.

These paintings were also about TRUST.  Trusting in what the painting was telling me and not resisting it.   That is what Intuitive Painting is all about, after all.  This lesson would smack me in the face in the weeks that followed.

It was the Week 4 Intitation that brought me to my knees in this class.  The assignment was to paint My Past, What No Longer Serves Me, or What I Wish to Let Go. YIKES!  I immediately saw a tree that represented me.  I don't really paint trees but it was very clear to me that this is what belonged on my big blank piece of paper.  I thought it was a good representation of me because of the growth I had experienced in the last year, the strength I had gained from that and the grounding roots I had acquirred in the process..........Ummm.  This painting had something much more RAW and DEEP than that. in mind.  I happily painted my beautiful "me" tree.  I was almost finished when I made a small "mistake" and then tried to "fix" it...it was ruined and I was heartbroken.  Then the painting told me to surround the tree with a purple bubble....what?!  Trust, Trust, Trust.  I did it and it made it worse...even ugly.  I was sobbing...grieving this tree that I had worked on for hours....and then it asked me to cover the whole painting in these spiderwebish white lines.....I pled with it, it was going to make it even uglier...I did it and it was indeed uglier.  I layed on the floor and just sobbed...all of the old self hate talk arrived right on time to tell me I wasnt an artist, I wasn't worthy, I was stupid for ruining my tree, how could I have been so dumb, if I had any skill at all I could have fixed the mistake without ruining it.  I HATED this painting, it was ruined, damaged, ugly, not worthy of compassion.  I tried to fix it one more time by trying to wipe off the spider web lines but they were there like big scars.  I decided to walk away and start over in the morning.  Up above is the damaged painting after I tried to wipe off the scars and the weird purple bubble thing.

I woke up the next morning realizing the the tree and everything I had done to it the night before had been a perfect representation of my past, my paint, my scars and everything that I wanted to let go of. I had surounded it with urple healing energy. The process had been painful It was like ripping off old bandaids, letting the wounds breath, heal and be released...or giving birth or both.  I suddenly has such  compassion for this damaged tree that I decide to heal her rather than start over. I pulled her off of the easel and sat with her on the floor and ministered to her, loving healing the damage from the day before, painting over the damaged places.  What emerged was a tree more beautiful than the first.  If you look closely some of the scars from the night before are still visible under the new paint but they don't define the painting anymore...just like mine.  Here is the healed "me" tree.  She has bigger branches and leaves,  bigger blooms, and shows growth yet to come.  CRAZY DEEP!!!!!!!

There were other asignments but this one was the most meaningful and beautiful for me to walk through.  I finished this class with a deeper understanding of myself on so many levels, and a deeper sense of direction.  If you are interest in Connie Hozvika's painting classes go here.  She is doing another BIG class in a couple of weeks and also has a freebie mini class on her website. You dont have to have any painting experience and you will meet some amazing women during the life changing process.

Have some other super exciting stuff tell you but it will have to wait for another day....it;s BIG!  BIG! BIG! News...so stay tuned.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

What is Flow?

This is an excellent article from soulfulliving.com that talks about the practice of being in the "flow".  This will be the intention I set for myself for the new year-to live more fully in the flow.

What is Flow?
by Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom

Awakening one morning in his sunny Austin bedroom, Caylor Wadlington heard himself saying out loud, "So I’m moving to Denver?" The words were part exclamation, part question, and they woke him up completely. As surprised as he was, he also experienced a happy, pleasurable feeling. But by the next day, he had dismissed the whole thing as just an odd dream. After all, he was cozily ensconced in Austin, where he had lived eight years, and he knew hardly a soul in Denver.

Then, out of the blue came a phone call from an officer of his national professional association, who invited Caylor to participate in a week-long work meeting — in Denver. Hmmm. . . .maybe there is something to this, Caylor thought, and without further hesitation he said yes.

In Denver, after the meeting ended, Caylor was chatting with another participant, a man who ran a school in the city. "Caylor, if you ever want to live here, I’d like to hire you to teach for me," he said. Caylor thanked him calmly, but inside he was stunned: This is amazing! Walls are coming down to open the way for me to move here!

To leave Austin, however, would require selling a professional business that was so specialized he figured it would take at least a year to find a buyer. Quietly beginning to look around, Caylor invited a friend to Sunday brunch and, over coffee and pastries, laid out the prospect. His friend was not interested, but just as he said no, a colleague of theirs walked in. Caylor had not thought of him as a buyer, but struck by the timing, he told him his business was for sale. The colleague was more than interested — he was thrilled. "Don’t tell another soul!" he said excitedly. "I definitely want it." This seems to be happening all by itself, mused Caylor. Then he received a letter from his landlord: Caylor’s condominium was going to be put on the market. A dream, an opportunity, an offer, the boot—the message was unmistakable. Caylor willingly closed down his life in charming Austin, and moved to Denver.

Caylor wears no wings, sees no auras. But to him, life works in magical and surprising ways when he’s connected to a deeper force in the Universe—and he knows he’s connected because he feels it physically, as a soft, warm feeling inside that links him to a sweet expansiveness. When he’s in that state, he experiences meaningful coincidence after meaningful coincidence. "They add magic to my life, and tell me that the action I’m taking is safe and true and right," he says. And they point the way to new opportunities: "Although I loved Austin, I was starting to feel bored and a little stuck professionally and personally," he says now. "I thought that Denver might open the way in my life to some important changes."

Caylor lives in flow — and through it he has come into a fuller, truer existence. Flow is the natural, effortless unfolding of our lives in a way that moves us toward wholeness and harmony. When we are in flow, occurrences line up, events fall into place, and obstacles melt away. Rather than life being a meaningless struggle, it is permeated with a deep sense of purposefulness and order. Flow has tremendous power to transform our lives, for it is dynamic and moves us unerringly toward joy and aliveness.

Most of us have had experiences of being in flow. In those times, we know we’re in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. We feel both exhilarated and at peace, somehow connected to something larger and greater than ourselves. Life is rich with meaning, magic and purpose. We feel vital, alive, joyful. But for most of us, it doesn’t happen often enough or for long enough. We feel glimmerings of flow, and then they fade away.

This doesn’t have to be the case: people like Caylor have learned to make flow their way of life, the rule rather than the exception. The way they do it is through synchronicity -- those meaningful coincidences in which outside events, seemingly disconnected in time and space, link up with our internal states and connect us with the greater whole.

When synchronicity happens, people like Caylor follow the direction it seems to indicate — and then they watch synchronicity happen more and more. They know they are deeply in flow when synchronicity is sparking all around them. By using synchronicity for guidance, confirmation, and validation, their lives become a dance of energy with the Universe, a give-and-take with their environment that fills their days with insight and zest.

This way of life requires giving paying attention to meaningful coincidence. Caylor, for example, could have disregarded his dream and turned down the Denver job. But over time he had developed a strong respect for what he considers signs from the Universe, both subtle and unmistakable. He has learned that by paying attention to these signs, he reaches new levels of comprehension about his inner life and his role in the world.

"Synchronicity is lyrical—a little sprite of a surprise, a little gift," he says. "It can get so big that everything can start to talk to you; everything can suggest things. When you enter that dimension, synchronicity becomes part of your self-definition."

Think of the times synchronicity has happened in your life. It might be when you thought of someone and the phone rang with that person on the other end. Maybe you ran across someone from home in a faraway place when you were feeling lonely, or the same number repeated itself at significant times, or unlikely events dramatically converged to save you in a tight spot.

When you experience flow on a daily basis, synchronicities such as these are as natural to you as breathing. Although by its very nature, synchronicity cannot be created, controlled, or planned, when you live a life of flow, you can practically depend on synchronicity to show up.

Notice the words: it’s when you experience flow — not if. That’s because the power of flow is absolutely attainable. To experience it requires first of all that you choose to undertake that process. Then you must develop the necessary skills, much as you do when you learn to ride a bike: it takes focus to learn the basics and practice to make it second nature, but once you know how to do it, you enjoy ease and smoothness and elation. Flow is a lifelong process that is rich with rewards all along the way.

In writing the book The Power of Flow, to understand how flow works, we interviewed fifty "flowmasters" — people highly engaged in the process of flow. They range in age from seventeen to ninety-six and include lawyers, dancers, secretaries, students, foundation heads, middle managers, therapists, professors, consultants, homemakers, teachers, activists, health professionals, a minister, a rancher, an inventor. We spent absorbing hours with them, delving into why their lives have purpose, inner ease and joyfulness. We asked them about their turning points, their beliefs, their daily practices. We explored why life works so well for them, and what they do day to day to experience flow consciously and consistently.

The flowmasters did not have only one approach to life. Some were feisty and engaged in changing the world; some were gentle and relaxed; some had the exuberance of children; some had thoughtful, deliberate ways. Looking back over our discussions, commonalities emerged. The flowmasters were open; they stretched themselves to learn and grow; they had deep integrity; they constantly felt steadfastly grateful; and they were dedicated to living by their inner truths. Being with them made us feel richer, and hours of engrossing conversation passed like minutes.

Valuable information came from two other sources as well. In response to magazine and newspaper articles, hundreds of people from all over the country filled out surveys on their experiences and beliefs. And we organized nine focus groups involving 98 people across the country who hashed through the topics, processes, and techniques we'd learned from the flowmasters. The flowmaster interviews, surveys, and group discussions were transcribed and sorted by subject matter into 241 categories. When printed out — a 12-hour process — the reports filled nearly 1,600 pages.

Our conclusion from this research process is that flow is the ultimate feedback machine. Flow responds directly to our beliefs, behaviors, and actions. We can either enhance this state of perfect timing and flawless serendipity, or we can diminish it and even cut it off. When we become open, willing, trusting, we experience flow as fulfillment and joy, and synchronicities pop up all over the place. When we become fearful, doubting, controlling, flow diminishes, our day is filled with blocks and frustrations, and synchronicities cease.

We distilled the major beliefs, attitudes and behaviors of the flowmasters into the nine attributes that engage flow. They are:

  • Commitment – Living by our deepest values
  • Honesty – Telling the truth to ourselves and others
  • Courage – Overcoming our fears
  • Passion—Engaging at deep levels with what we care about
  • Immediacy – Being in the moment
  • Openness – Saying Yes to whatever comes our way
  • Receptivity – Listening to inner and outer messages
  • Positivity – Finding the value in each situation
  • Trust – Having faith in ourselves and the Universe

We identified fourteen practical techniques to deepen those attributes in ourselves:

  1. Be aware
  2. Accept yourself and others
  3. Express who you really are
  4. Create silence
  5. Follow your intuition
  6. Practice mindfulness
  7. Do 100% of what you know to do – and trust
  8. Finish things and move on
  9. Take risks
  10. Break with your old reality
  11. Appreciate yourself
  12. Express gratitude
  13. Give of yourself
  14. Get a point of view from the Universe

The response of focus groups that tried out the exercises offered in the book and the feedback of readers since then has assured us that, yes, we all have it within ourselves to expand into meaning, lightness, and serenity. We don’t have to be yogis chanting mantras in icy Himalayan caves to live in this state of inner peace. Because synchronicity is the key — and synchronicity occurs to absolutely everyone — we all have it within ourselves to live in flow.

No matter where you are on your path, this approach works. If you have been pursuing personal and spiritual growth for years, this approach can provide you with feedback from the Universe that will lead you to understand yourself even better. If you are just now turning your attention to life’s deeper questions, it offers you an easy, immediate means of access into the workings of your consciousness. If your world is devoid of meaning, here’s a way to find significance in the commonplace. A bird flying across your path, a book dropped at your feet, a postcard arriving in the mail – all can improbably but definitively connect you to deeper currents of existence.

The journey will transform your life. With synchronicity as your compass, flow is your inevitable destination.

© Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom. All Rights Reserved. Adapted from The Power of Flow: Practical Ways to Transform Your Life with Meaningful Coincidence (Three Rivers Press 1998).

Sunday, October 23, 2011


So today is the beginning of the next class of FEARLESS Painting.  This Class is called DEEP.  I am soooo excited to get started.  I can't wait to see what amazing things I will uncover about myself through this process, and what cool stuff I will create.  Soooo many layers came off in the first class.  I feel like I am going to get down to the good stuff this time. 

Today I am preparing for painting in the fall/winter.  I have to move my studio out of the sun room, into the mud room where its warm.  The mud room has a whole different feel to it and not as much natural light but I am thinkin' it may bring something new and different to the painting process-we'll see.  If I don't like it in there, I can always put on a parka and move back into the sun room....here's hoping for a short winter.

So something that was mentioned in class this morning was the idea that as artists, we are called to create and  for me there is no other choice but to answer the call.  I tried to think back to a time when I wasn't creating and I can't think of one.  I have been an artist for as long as I can remember.  I am trying to be the artist I was when I was little, when I just painted, colored, drew, etc. and never questioned whether I could do it or was good at it.  When it didn't matter what it looked like-it was always fabulous to me....if you couldn't figure out what it was, it was your problem, not a reflection of my skill.  I love process painting because it lets me just paint and be that little kid again. It isnt about perfection, composition, blah, blah, blah.  It's just about being intuitive, connect to creative source, being present, listening, trusting, and enjoying the process without attachment to the outcome.....kind of a road map for life.  Hmm.

Anyway, I will be sharing my lessons learned, found wisdom, and of course some art...stay tuned!  Be Fearless!!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Whether a woman knows it or not, she is a vessel of great magnitude born capable of reshaping humanities destiny if she only knew the true depths of her innate gifts.
        Women Rise Up with ALisa Starkweather

Sunday, September 18, 2011

My Fearless Journey

So my amazing painting class FEARLESS PAINTING-BIG is coming to an end.  I have been so blessed by the tribe of women I have been in class with and our FEARLESS leader Connie.  You can checkout what she does here .  Anyway, I have told you before that this class was about WAY more than painting, in fact for me over the coursre of the class, the painting became secondary.  It was about listening to my intuition and the practice of tapping into my creative source, then really listening when it was speaking to me.  I am working hard on practicing this in everything I do, not just my art.  

The next big insight I received in my FEARLESS PAINTING class was that the gremlin is a liar and is afraid of everything.  Just because it says something, doesn't make it so.  That realization has been HUGE and it came when I wanted to paint a face.  Gremlin said I couldn't, there was no way and it would be terrible if I did, people would laugh, they would know I wasn't really an artist, they would see that I am a fake and a fake isn't worthy of other peoples love.  It would be safer to just not paint a face.   So I painted faces-nobody laughed, or stopped loving me because of it.  The gremlin lied. 

It might not be the best face in town but I CAN paint one, I just don't like toEverything the gremlin told me about my painting was not true so it is safe to assume that everything he tells me about myself and my worthiness are untrue too.  I have come to understand that I am a good person, whether people like me or not (or like my art, or not).  Like the gremlin, someone elses negative opinion of me does not make it true.  That revelation has helped me to understand that I have a personality that can make insecure people uncomfortable but that isn't about me.  I will no longer make myself small so that other people can feel good about themselves.  I don't apologize for being a strong, confident, outspoken, amazingly awesome woman.  If you can't handle it-get over it or get some therapy so you can.  And I mean that in the most loving way.

My last BIG insight from FEARLESS PAINTING has been the realization of how FEARLESS I already was when I started the class. I knew that I was brave but that is different. Brave is being afraid and doing it anyway, fearlessness is an absence of fear. I am not afraid of things that scare a lot of people-like giving up a stable job to follow a dream, or moving across the country just because I want adventure, blazing a new trail, walking through grief, being ok in my imperfect skin, or a big ass piece of white paper.  And here's the kicker, the stuff I was afraid of, like never being good enough or worthy enough-or just enough, was not real.  It was all just a crazy lie.    I am ENOUGH and I am FEARLESS and I am and ARTIST. 

My next FEARLESS Painting class is called DEEP...can't wait to see what I learn about myself in that class.  I will keep you posted.  Thank you Connie and thank you painting tribe, for this amazing journey-I love you all. 

Monday, September 5, 2011


Everything you take for granted is a blessing. Everything you fear is a friend in disguise. Everything you want is a part of you. Everything you hate you hate about yourself. Everything you own does not define you. Everything you feel is the only Truth there is to know.

Everything you wish for is already on its way to you. Everything you think creates your life. Everything you seek for you will …find. Everything you resist will stick around. Everything you let go of stays if it’s supposed to. Everything you need is right where you are.

Every time you bless another your bless yourself. Every time you blame another you lose your power. Every time you think you can, you can. Every time you fall you must get up and try again. Every time you cry you’re one tear closer to joy. Every time you ask for forgiveness, all you have to do is forgive yourself.

Everyone you see is your reflection. Everyone you know mirrors you. Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone wants to live in joy. Everyone seeks a higher purpose. Everyone breathes the same breath. Everyone needs love to survive. Everyone has a purpose to fulfill.

Everyone’s the same as everyone else. We just get caught up in labels, names, skin color and religion. Everyone’s the same as everyone else.
Jackson Kiddard

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Summer of Self Love, Authenticity, and Fearlessness

What a summer.  Talk about breaking wide open.  If you remember, it was the fire that started me on this journey to authenticity...to living wholeheartedly.  The universe seems to always challenge my commitment to these things and this time was no different.  Stephen's drowning has challenged me in ways I never want to experience again, but I surely will because I will lose others that I love deeply.  The universe also brings me the people I need to help me on my journey-I have been blessed with a tribe of women who are giving me exactly what I need right now.

My biggest lessons this summer  have been about self-love, self acceptance, and self compassion.  Self love isn't about getting a pedi every week or treating yourself to ice cream (ok, maybe it is a little bit).  It is about a deep understanding of yourself, recognizing your beauty and being compassionate with all the parts of yourself.  For me, it was the realization that I am not flawed or damaged...I just am.  I make mistakes, I do dumb stuff, I am not always nice, I have a belly and lopsided boobs and I am still pretty cool and worthy of love.  Being able to accept that I am not ok right now has been huge for me...six months ago I would have still tried to be superwoman through my grief...not happening now.  I am actively engaged in self care and being very tender with myself as I heal.
As part of my self care I started a painting class a few weeks ago called BIG. I wasn't looking for another class, but I knew I needed to take this as part of my journey.   It is a class in a series of FEARLESS Painting classes taught by Connie Hozvicka at Dirty Footprints Studio .  In this class, we paint BIG..poster size.  I have never done that before and I love it.  But here is the kicker...in learning to paint FEARLES  I have learned to let go of the gremlins that talk crap to me.  The ones who tell me I am not good enough, not worthy, fat, ugly, a bitch, not really an artist....you know the gremlins I am talking about.  Posting my paintings on FB, flickr, etc, isn't about me wanting everyone to see my work, it's about squashing the gremlins.  I don't really care if anyone likes my artwork.....I don't always like it either.  It isn't about what I create.....it's about THAT I create.   Putting my art out there is telling the gremlins to "bite me".  Being able to release the perfectionist gremlin and the attachment to the outcome of the art piece has only fortified my self love and acceptance.  I no longer allow the gremlins to speak to me in such unkind ways or decide if I am worthy.  I don't have to do or be anything to be loveable...I just am.  Who knew?

The class has also allowed me to practice being present.  I am famous for having my energy 10 miles ahead of me, already thinking about the next 16 projects I want to do..six that I will start and  one that I might actually follow through on.  When I paint on these big pieces of paper, I stay fully present in what I am doing.  I want to experience the process of it-how the paint feels, the colors, the emotions, the texture of the paper and the brush in my hand.  I don't worry about how it looks or if the technique is correct.  I am trying to use the same process for LIFE.  I don't want to miss a minute of the good stuff worrying about whether I got it right or not.  I have also been able to focus on what really makes my heart sing and use that as my compass for what/who I want to give my energy to.  Yep all that from a painting class (if you haven't guessed its about way more than the paint-AWESOME class).

So, these paintings are from this weeks assignment. Self portrait and a blind self portrait... I actually identify more with the blind self portrait.  I love her because she is imperfect, a little sideways, and a little silly...just like me.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Being Real

My favorite passage from the book  
"The Velveteen Rabbit" .............
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Sunday, August 14, 2011


Beautiful Fields of Alpine Valley
People who don't live in Alpine are always asking me what its like here now that the fire is out.  I am sure they are refering to how it looks but I want to tell you what its like.  Most people don't understand that the crisis is not over.  We are in monsoon season and the rain that falls almost everyday is terrifying.  Everytime it rains we all wonder who's turn it is to get flooded.  The stress and anxiety is unrelenting.  They tell us it is going to be like this for several years. 
New Alpine Signage
That being said, we are amazing, strong, and resilient people in this little town.  We have been brought to our knees and have a black eye but we're still here.  We are taking care of our community, each other and still  just living.  Yesterday our town celebrated a wedding that got postponed because of the evacuation and a baby shower for someone awaiting a new son.  We laughed, we loved on each other and then it started raining, and we worried together. 
Wildflowers of Alpine

This morning I snapped these photos.  I was amazed at how much beauty I found in the burnout areas that were black just a few weeks ago.  There is green everywhere and beautiful wildflowers coming up out of the blackened soil.  Rising from the ashes so to speak, just like all of us who live here. 

 It's hard to live here right now, that's what I'll tell you if you ask.  It's hard, it's stressful, it's sad and yet I don't want to be anywhere else right now-this is my home and these are my people. It's also joyful,  peaceful and still beautiful here....you just have to look a little harder to find the beauty.  

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

"Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, grow." -Talmud

Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Truth about Truth

Some Things about Speaking Your Truth

What is truth anyway?  If you look it up it says this:
1.  sincerity in action, character, and utterance  (2) the body of real things, events, facts (3) a transendent fundamental or spirituality reality.

So then speaking your truth is speaking your reality, speaking your character. There's the thing...

It doesn’t work when you speak from a place of anger or fear.
It doesn’t work when you fight or demand or criticize.
People shut down when they hear your anger, or feel attacked.

But people hear Truth.
Truth is not angry. It’s not fear-based. It’s not judgmental.
It’s just Truth.

And real Truth comes from a place of love. It comes with compassion and acceptance and gentleness. It doesn’t back down or hide.
And it speaks volumes louder than anger.

We also have to be willing to accept and respect that my truth and yours may not be the same, and not everyone is in a place where they can hear our truth, or even want to.  We also have to remember that our truth isn't always THE truth.

If we want to speak our truth…if we want to promote authenticity, respect and love, compassion and kindness…We have to speak our truth from a place that allows all of those things for ourselves and those who are listening.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Green Tara

Today I have been learning about the Hindu Goddess Green Tara.  She is a goddess of compassion.  She is believed to help her followers overcome dangers, fears and anxieties, and she is especially worshipped for her ability to overcome the most difficult of situations. Green Tara is intensely compassionate and acts quickly to help those who call upon her. She can grant wishes, eliminate suffering of all kinds and bring happiness.

When called upon, she instantaneously saves us from eight specific calamities. 
1) lions and pride
wild elephants and delusions
3) forest
fires and hatred
snakes and envy
5) robbers and fanatical views
6) prisons and avarice
floods and lust
demons and doubt
Below is the Mantra of the Green Tara.  OM TARE TUTARE TURE SOHA.  As I learned this mantra this morning, I noticed how joyful and calm it made me so I thought I would share it. I will be singing it while I am painting for KAIT today.

Alrighty Here's the Plan

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Healing Disguised as a Pedicure

About every two-three weeks I go to Perfection Salon in Springerville to have a "pedicure".  Jennifer does my toes for me, but my time with her is about so much more than my toes.  She ministers to me, she tends to my spirit, she makes having a pedicure something sacred.  She loves what she does, and does it with such love that it fills me with light from my toes up.  Amidst the salt scrub and bubbles, the massage and pretty paint, she soothes my troubles for a little while.  She is amazing.  Thanks Jennifer for your healing touch and the pretty toes.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Wild SIsters in Training

These are two of my new friends that started kindergarten today.  We were instant friends because I recognized them as Wild Sisters in Training because of their boots, and they knew I was an old Wild Sister because of my tattoos.  I have watched them grow up but today was our first conversation-about their fabulous boots, of course.  Even at 6, they know the power of an awesome pair of boots.  Goddesses in the making.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Choose Joy

This is a new art piece that I just finished.  When I started it, it was going to be something beachy-the background is full of beachy blues.  I was still in beach mode after having just returned from our Mission Beach vacation-Take Two.  The problem was, this painting did not want to be a beachy thing...it had something very clear to tell me....starting with big green circles?????  So I let it and it told me that it's time to choose JOY.  The thing with joy is that it is a choice-always. Even in the midst of my aching heart, I can still choose JOY. It is possible to live with both until the healing is done.  In fact the JOY is necessary for the healing, so I will keep looking for it everyday and keep painting it when it needs to be painted.  Eventually, I will be able to think of Steve and feel the JOY of having known him-but not yet.

Turns out I love this painting because it is so joyful, whimsical and big (24 x 36)....kinda how life should be.  Don't ya think?


Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude. -Denis Waitley

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Gifts Forgiveness

The gifts of forgiveness are not solely in the realization of one's own power and choice. They're also in the realization that when we forgive, when we powerfully choose who we are, we free ourselves up to see all of who someone else is.  Then we're fully free to receive all of the gifts they've got to offer, even the gifts that are twenty years in the past, and when that happens, there's such an expansion of feeling…blessed. Nurtured. Cared for. Loved.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Beach House Take Two

It's finally here!  Leaving today for take two of the beach house vacation-this time not under an evacuation order and with the husband.  I so need this week with the sea.  I am hoping it will help to heal my spirit-which has taken a beating this summer and start to heal the unrelenting ache I feel from Steve's absence.

We have made no plans-me the goal setter and planner, with no plans.....we are going to spend a week just being and let each day unfold. I guess technically I do have plans...I plan to wear shoes as little as possible, take naps, and drink wine.  I have also packed my art supplies so I can keep my commitment to do art for 30 days and my new camera to take "artsy" photos.

It is so easy to find joy at the beach house.  I am so looking forward to that-it hasn't come easily lately.  Life is easy at the beach house.  I love everything about it-bare feet, henna tattoos, beach bikes, sand castles, naps, finding the perfect shell everyday, breakfast at Olive (ya gotta go..if you get the chance), surfers and sunsets. It feeds my spirit and asks nothing of me in return.  Let the NOURISHMENT begin.