tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16527507853912087992024-02-06T22:34:14.383-08:00Finding Miss PaisleyMy Journey to AuthenticityHeidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.comBlogger109125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-18444872801026817352014-01-03T09:09:00.001-08:002014-01-03T09:09:35.163-08:00Awakening Woman<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Awakened Woman"work in progress</td></tr>
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I am so glad to say goodbye to 2013. It was undoubtedly one of the post painful years of my life-the betrayal of family and loss of identity,and the betrayal of my lover all happened within a short period of time- and it sent me into a tail spin from which I was not sure I could recover. Thankfully, I am pretty good at starting over- so here I go!<br />
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Every year I chose a word or words that will be my focus for the year. This year is it LISTEN. My focus will be to LISTEN to my intuition, and to my body. I want to notice and and better flow with my natural rhythms and how I connect with the rhythms of Mother Earth. I have already noticed a change in what I eat and an overwhelming need to be in the moonlight (not easy in Oregon). I have slowed down to soak up more of the beauty around me. I have conversations with birds and squirrels, LISTEN to the sound of the water flowing in the creek. When I need rest, I rest. When I need solitude, I wander. When I need peace, I paint....yesterday it was painting all day..in my pajamas...glorious!<br />
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Like many women, I am being called to be in circle with other women who want to tune into these rhythms and illuminate the Divine Feminine within themselves and for the planet. I am devoting all of my art this year to this process and plan to go deep and LISTEN to what she has to teach me. This feels like a gentle time, a softer time, a feminine time. I don't want to climb any mountains, or slay any dragons. I am practicing the art of being, holding space for myself and my tribe sisters to heal and come into themselves for nourishment. I love being in the midst of my own awakening and the awakening of the beautiful divine women around me. It is a powerful thing to witness someone discovering their sacredness.<br />
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So 2013, I say goodbye to you with gratitude for the lessons learned. 2014 I am ready. My intentions are set, my vision board is complete, I am an empty vessel ready to receive love, guidance, healing, grace and possibilities-let's start manifesting.Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-451731307168804842013-11-17T15:05:00.000-08:002013-11-17T15:05:18.036-08:00Lessons Learned From the Past Year and Moving Forward<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I have spent the last few weeks looking for the lessons in the events of the past year and.trying to be grateful for those lessons. No doubt it has been a difficult time this last month as the story of Mark's infidelity and deciet unfolded, but I am in a good place now, looking toward my future rather than back at every detail of the betrayal. Life is just too precious to waste one minute, hour or day reliving a painful past. Most days I feel strong and ready to face the future, the dark days are fewer and fewer.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>So the lessons are simple PAY ATTENTION and TRUST MYSELF. That's it. Turns out I had stopped paying attention to so many things over the past year- most importantly, I had stopped paying attention to my INTUITION. There were times when I actually felt like the other woman, when I ignored knowing I was being lied to, ignored when my gut was telling me something was wrong. I had also stopped paying attention to my needs, my passions, my hopes and dreams. I have spent some time going deep to figure out what all of that is again. I am making it a point to slow down and pay attention-whether it is to my thoughts and feelings, the people I pass on the street, or the beautiful landscape around me....I am just paying attention. Trusting myself, the journey, the universe, other people-that has been a little more challenging but I'm getting there....it will come, I am sure of it..</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Moving forward I have decided to say YES to everything that comes my way...even if its scary. Not just YES but HELL YES. I am excited for the new year and all of the opportunities that are on the horizon...I am going to be 50 next year and plan on RAISING HELL. I have started working on my vision board for 2014 and it looks like it is going to be EPIC. I am committed to living WHOLEHEARTEDLY still and accepting the price of vulnerability that come with that.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>As is my tradition I always choose a word or two to use as my theme for the new year......can you guess what 2014's is going to be"</b></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">HELL YES!</span></b><br />
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Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-43342107076044135902013-10-20T10:28:00.000-07:002013-10-20T10:56:49.460-07:00I Was The Other Woman<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>This has been one of the most difficult weeks of my like. I can think of nothing more painful, other than the loss of my sweet friend Steven. You see, on Monday I learned that my former boyfriend got married. Big deal, right? Well..... by former boyfriend I mean we decided to just be friends SEPTEMBER 10th. "Get rid of girlfriend" must have been on the pre-wedding checklist, along with order flowers, and get a ring. I am not sure how he thought this was going to play out. His attempt to keep this from me consisted of deleting me and everyone we knew in common from his facebook page. He didn't count on old fashioned word of mouth. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>As his lies unraveled this week, I learned that he has been engaged the entire duration of our relationship-more than a year. Us planning a life together, him telling me he loved me everyday, making love-it was all just a....what? Game? This isn't high school anymore....ya, he did the same thing to me then. He was texting me to arrange a meeting a half hour before he said his vows. I saw him 4 times after he was married and he never mentioned it and of course his wife had no idea he was with me. He is a broken man, who has now created two broken women and some very confused children. What is sad is there is a good man under all of his damage.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I keep getting asked "how could you not know" which really doesn't help the pain and humiliation that I am feeling. I didnt know because I trusted him then. In retrospect, yes, I should have seen it, there were tiny signs. Not letting me tag him in photos of us on facebook, an excuse every holiday, me not meeting his family when they came to town, most of our time together being during the day-he was a master at explaining away everything......yes, I should have seen it. But I didn't, I have joined THAT women's club...against my will. The story is out now, at least all I want to know. His pastor knows, his wife knows, his family knows and now he has to be accountable. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>So I have spent this whole week trying to JUST BREATHE....minute by minute. Trying to ground myself when everything is spinning out of control. JUST BREATHE.....JUST BREATHE. I realized that I had been carrying this low level anxiety in my gut for a long time. My intuition trying to tell me things weren't right-that's gone now. I suppose one of the lessons from this is to LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN to intuition. TRUST it. ALWAYS. . </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I don't know what the future holds, its too hard to look in that direction right now. It's also too hard to look back, so I am practicing just being PRESENT. "Just this, just this" is my mantra right now. I am practicing self love/self care as much as possible, drinking too much wine, praying, painting, walking,doing yoga, calling on my spirit guides and my tribe sisters for strength. Somehow under the weight of all of this I am beginning to feel lighter. For this moment, I will JUST BREATHE..</b></span><br />
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Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-27196821497886550912013-10-06T11:47:00.000-07:002013-10-06T11:47:50.777-07:00The Worst Kind of "Domestic" Violence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Statistically, 1 in 4 women will experience domestic (aka interpersonal) violence in her lifetime. That means we all know someone or have experienced interpersonal violence ourselves. This is an important topic and I don't want to be dismissive but I want to talk about a bigger epidemic that needs to be addressed and that is INNER personal violence. Every woman I know has experienced this because we do it to ourselves. We wage war against ourselves, bully ourselves, withhold love from ourselves. We speak to ourselves in way we would never speak to another person....call ourselves fat, ugly, unworthy,stupid, etc. We abuse our bodies with unhealthy habits. We commit acts of violence against ourselves everyday and don't even recognize it. Even worse, as they watch us perpetrate against ourselves, we are teaching our daughters to do it too.......opening the door for them to attract men who will reinforce the negative beliefs they have about themselves. </span><div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It is time for us to extend ourselves some compassion, grace, acceptance and love. To proclaim our "enoughness" just as we are. To recognize ourselves as the amazingly imperfect goddesses that we are. To be good in our skin no matter what it looks like.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I read this from Chris Zydel this morning:</span></div>
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<br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>It doesn't matter if you made some choices that did not turn out the way you expected them too. If you ended up feeling disappointed. Or like you failed.<br /><br />It doesn't matter if you promised yourself that you would stop doing something or start. And then you didn't. Or you stop and start and stop and start and don't get as far as you thought you would. <br /><br /> It doesn't matter if you're scared. And because you're scared you spend time agonizing and feeling paralyzed.<br /><br /> It doesn't matter if you think you made a mistake. Or others think you made a mistake. Or if you actually DID make a mistake.<br /><br /> It doesn't matter if you keep falling off of your own personal wagon again and again and again. Or that you have patterns that you can't seem to break.<br /><br /> It doesn't matter if you make six figures, or lose that 10 pounds or have a house on the beach or are blissfully happy in your life.<br /><br /> The only thing that matters is that you keep yourself in your own heart. No matter what the external circumstances are. And if you can't do that, find someone else who can love you. And if they're not around , try and remember that Spirit doesn't care what you do or don't accomplish. <br /><br />The only thing that matters to Spirit is love. Because Spirit is love. And you are Spirit. Which means YOU are love. And ARE loved. Always. No matter what. You are loved.</i></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">Thank you Chris. Every once in a while I need to be reminded what I am made of...who I am made of. I am grateful for tribe sisters who do that.<br /><br />So to acknowledge Domestic Violence Awareness Month and to honor those women who have been lost to interpersonal violence, I am committing to end my INNER personal violence and start exercising grace and loving acts for myself. Please do the same. <br /><br />PS..I love you</span><br /><br /> <div>
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Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-57933325946891296602013-09-21T14:19:00.000-07:002013-09-21T14:19:06.912-07:00Remembering Who I Am <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"You've forgotten who you are" she said to me. I dismissed her. She didn't know what she was talking about, I remember thinking at the time. Fast forward a week or so and it hit me like a brick. She was right, I had slowly given myself away again. Slowly stopped doing all of the things that I love so that I wouldn't offend someone that I cared about. Sold myself out so I could be more acceptable....shit. Self betrayal is the worst kind.<br />
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I have spend the last week digging deep, rediscovering myself, replenishing my spirit that had been squashed, reclaiming every piece of my soul that had gotten scattered. I remember now......I remember.....<br />
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I am Heidi-a wild woman, a gypsy soul, a goddess, a warrior, an empath, a healer, an artist.<br />
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I am Heidi- an Aries with Aquarius rising......ya, try living in my skin with that. A fire sign and a water sign.....a goal oriented free spirit. I always have one foot on concrete (in a sensible running shoe) and the other in metaphysical land (in a sparkly hippie sandal). I need to feel safe but not tied down. I want to be spontaneous but have to know the plan. I am a constant contradiction. I know...believe me, I know. I think its kinda cool that I can kick ass and get things done...in a tie dye shirt. Just yesterday, I increased my life insurance policy and redid my retirement plan, while researching where to have my nose pierced. As I get older, I cultivate the Aquarius woman, the wild woman, I am happiest in her skin but my Aries side is still very present. If I do things that don't make sense to you, it's ok with me. I make perfect sense to me.<br />
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I am Heidi- I believe in God, Jesus, Angels, the Universe, energy, and spirit guides. I read scriptures and oracle cards, have psychic readings, go to drum circle, carry crystals, paint intuitively, pray often and meditate. And I believe that all of those things bring me closer to Source...to God. All of those things are gifts from God so that I can feel His presence. I don't go to church anymore because I couldn't feel Him there, I go out into nature to be with God, just as Jesus did. <br />
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I am Heidi-sometimes I'm brave and fearless, and sometimes I am not. I live with my heart wide open....love fiercely. If I love someone I give everything and once I love you, I always love you. The trouble with that is I seem to only be attracted to men who cant open themselves to me. Its an old pattern whose origin is with my father. I dont know if I will ever break the pattern, but I know its there and isnt a reflection of my worthiness to be loved. I know that I believe in being madly in love, so I will just keep trying.<br />
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I am Heidi-I am disorganized, messy, forgetful, scattered and sometimes lazy. I am also creative, funny, loyal, and have thought of 26 new projects to do before breakfast. Fun fact: I will probably start 4 of them and actually finish one. I am fantastic at ideas, execution is not so much my thing. I like the building process, I don't really care about outcomes. I have to create, just like I have to breathe that's all I know.<br />
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I am Heidi-I exist in this world in a different way than most people. I feel my way through......I feel everything and everybody. If you have a soul, I can feel you. It's kind of a pain in the ass sometimes and it can be overwhelming sometimes too. I never make decisions based on my thoughts....I hate thinking. I choose jobs, cars, places to live, clothes, partners, friends, etc. by what their energy feels like to me. That's what the trees are about. I love the trees because they feel like old grandmothers to me. I love how they ground their roots deep into the earth while they reach heavenward....I try to do that too.<br />
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I am Heidi-I have junk....old junk that I carry around as part of my life experience. Junk that screwed me up, changed who I was, and nearly killed me a time or two. Junk that brings me to my knees every once in a while. The thing is, I am not my junk. I don't allow it to define who I am even when it occasionally seeps through the cracks. It's just a reminder of how far I've come.<br />
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I am Heidi-I have a thick waist, large uneven breasts, a few grey hairs and deep laugh lines. I have eight tattoos, a nob on my nose, a mole on the top of my head (thankfully covered by hair) and I love all of it. It all tells my story. MY story....the story of who I am.<br />
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I haven't forgotten who I am.......I remember..... and I love me. Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-47098174974960426112012-11-28T00:00:00.002-08:002012-11-28T00:11:54.233-08:00Finding My Way<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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If you had told me 4 months ago that I would be moving to Oregon, changing careers, and basically starting life over, I would have laughed at you. I had no idea that listening to my heart would result in an unexpected trip to the Oregon coast that would reveal to me that that was where I needed to be. I set a goal of a year-I would go in a year. I still had work to do in AZ. What is it they say? "If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans" . I came home from that trip to learn that the grant funding for my job that I love wasn't renewed. I had three months left....new plan Everything that has happened since, has felt guided and completely out of my control. Everything I have needed/wanted has been given to me and everything that I am passionate about has been dropped at me feet.. I have learned to just trust the plan that God has for me. Amazing things are ahead. I know this with absolute certainty.<br />
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The thing is, I'm scared. Usually, when I do stuff like this-that looks crazy to everyone else, I'm fearless or at least brave. But this time I am doing this without my wingman. Back in the day (when I did things like this frequently) it was BFF Stephen that would support me, drive me there, get me settled in (cant tell you how many times he happily moved my futon and books) and take me in if it ended in disaster. But he is gone......he's dead...he drowned.....still have to remind myself sometimes. I dont have my wingman and I need him. I need him to get me through this week of goodbyes, to keep me looking forward, to move my couch....to say "wench you've got this, now strap on a pair and let's do it". All part of my journey I suppose-to be scared and do it anyway on my own. I know I can do this without him...find my own way, I just don't want to. I miss him, he should be here for this....once again God had other plans that I must trust.<br />
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Lot's of reflection and "last times" this week. I had my last middle of the night call to take care of a rape victim. I love the work that I do, It matters. I will miss it and the amazing women who are on my team. I had my last big sister family chaos Sunday dinner. I love those-the dancing nieces in tutus, holding babies, guitars, good food, stories, games, lots of choas, lots of laughter, and lots of love. This week, I got to see my brother Alan for the first time in many years. He has grown into a beautiful man-funny, handsome, gentle, kind. I could feel my fathers influence and look into his eyes and see my dad. I wish I knew him better. It was probably the last time we will sit together since we are both going in different directions....but not really. His couch is coming to Oregon with me so we will sit together often in spirit. Right now I am sitting in the blue chair in Alpine that my sweet step dad used to sit in, likely for the last time. I love this chair, its worn where his hands used to lay and I like that. He used to call me "toots" and make me feel like I mattered. I can feel that in this chair. I will miss it. I still have two more going away parties to get through, one more office to clean out and a closet full of shoes to let go of. Then the hardest goodbyes, that I am saving for last.<br />
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The big move is next week. My energy will shift and I will turn my mind and my heart toward Oregon. It will be about looking forward, new beginnings, new friendships, trusting God as my new wingman and finding my way. <br />
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<br />Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-41530696184723593842012-11-04T19:50:00.001-08:002012-11-04T19:50:57.146-08:00Letting Go"She Let Go" <br />
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Without a thought or a word,<br />
she let go. She let go of the fear.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF7w1FLXROjRlEu32U5FG4-8M37YxQmV9mVfuowMPrqDPBPORfNGpMmgh7CBAg279mDqtLR4yJXJYGThyphenhyphenRUS-p8_Mn77MKu6g5LVIrTmgfrFOJcoqPEBC636lo9-GMgMiNhegcWU4saK0/s1600/409277_444797678888812_1628700334_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF7w1FLXROjRlEu32U5FG4-8M37YxQmV9mVfuowMPrqDPBPORfNGpMmgh7CBAg279mDqtLR4yJXJYGThyphenhyphenRUS-p8_Mn77MKu6g5LVIrTmgfrFOJcoqPEBC636lo9-GMgMiNhegcWU4saK0/s400/409277_444797678888812_1628700334_n.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
She let go of the judgments. She<br />
let go of the confluence of<br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
opinions swarming around her<br />
head. She let go of the committee<br />
of indecision within her. She let<br />
go of all the 'right' reasons.<br />
Wholly and completely, without<br />
hesitation or worry, she just let go.<br />
<br />
She didn't ask anyone for advice.<br />
She didn't read a book on how to<br />
let go. She didn't search the<br />
scriptures. She just let go. She let<br />
go of all the memories that held<br />
her back. She let go of all the<br />
anxiety that kept her from moving<br />
forward. She let go of the<br />
planning and all of the<br />
calculations about how to <br />
do it just right.<br />
<br />
She didn't promise to let go. She<br />
didn't journal about it. She didn't<br />
write the projected date in her<br />
Day-Timer. She made no public<br />
announcement and put no ad in<br />
the paper. She didn't check the<br />
weather report or read her daily<br />
horoscope. She just let go.<br />
<br />
She didn't analyze whether she<br />
should let go. She didn't call her<br />
friends to discuss the matter. She<br />
didn't do a five-step Spiritual<br />
Mind Treatment. She didn't call<br />
the prayer line. She didn't utter<br />
one word. She just let go.<br />
<br />
No one was around when it<br />
happened. There was no<br />
applause or congratulations. No<br />
one thanked her or praised her.<br />
No one noticed a thing. Like a<br />
leaf falling from a tree, she just<br />
let go. <br />
<br />
There was no effort. There<br />
was no struggle. It wasn't good<br />
and it wasn't bad. It was what it<br />
was, and it is just that.<br />
<br />
In the space of letting go, she let<br />
it all be. A small smile came over<br />
her face. A light breeze blew<br />
through her. And the sun and the<br />
moon shone forevermore.." (<span style="font-size: x-small;">Thank you Rev Safire Rose)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
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Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-5088693429366590532012-09-22T19:25:00.002-07:002012-09-22T19:25:17.476-07:00Reflections from another day by the sea <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Feeling really blessed this evening. I have had the priveledge of walking on nine beaches over the past two days of this unexpected trip. Each one had its own treasures to find and brought its own insight to me. When I got on a plane three days ago to come here, I wasnt even sure of my purpose for doing so. I was listening to my heart and it told me I needed to come, so I did. Not surprising was that I was able to experience the peace and healing that the sand between my toes always brings. What I didnt expect was the clarity of my purpose for being here that unfolded and the complete understanding of what I want my life to be and the direction I need to take it. This journey to authenticity is not quite finished it seems.<br />
<br />
When I started down this path of finding Miss P. I made a decision to stop living in fear and live from a place of love. It means living with my heart wide open all the time, really listening to it when it speaks to me and working really hard to stay in that space. It means that I am really vulnerable alot of the time. I feel things on a much deeper level than I used to-the good stuff like love, joy, peace, contentment but also the hard stuff like sadness, grief, loneliness. I can also feel what other people are feeling too. Its all part of living open hearted-its all or nothing. I cant shut off the hard stuff and still feel the good stuff so I have learned to welcome it all.<br />
<br />
So today after another profoundly joyful beautiful day by the sea, I had to surrender when the wave of grief came as I drove inland through the wine country. Part of me was missing, the part that was suppose to be driving with me there. I didnt see it coming and it hit me like a ton of bricks and I started sobbing. I HATE the f-ing sobbing. It's exhausting but I know that if I dont just surrender to it, it will show up as something else later. So I pull over, and lean in and sob...and sob...and sob. I feel weak and raw and small, and I HATE it. When I am finally done, I catch a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror-not pretty. Not pretty at all but I am full of compasion for this brave girl I see. I made a choice when this grief came to not medicate it (except for the tattoo), not shut down so I didnt have to feel it. I chose to remain open hearted as I walked through this and as hard as it is, I am doing it. So I guess I am not so small and weak after all.<br />
<br />
There are still two days left of this journey. I have no idea what they will bring or where I'm even going. I am just trusting my heart to take me where I need to go. What I do know is my heart is telling me that nothing in my life is what it is suppose to be right now. Nothing. I have to listen to that and it can only mean that BIG changes are ahead....another chapter of the journey. Yes, feeling really blessed today. Exhausted but blessed......and brave.....no not brave, fearless. <br />
<br />
Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-2093105867446915222012-09-21T21:04:00.000-07:002012-09-21T21:04:06.025-07:00Lessons from the Oregon Coast<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
An unexpected trip to the Oregon Coast has also brought some unexpected lessons/revelations today.<br />
<br />
1. From the drive: Pay attention. If you dont you miss the beauty that is under your nose.<br />
<br />
2. From the ocean: My soul needs the ocean. I can't go 9 months without my feet in the sand again. It's not healthy for me or the people I love who have to deal with me.<br />
<br />
3. From the sand dollars that were everywhere: You can only see the beauty of the broken sand dollars when you stop comparing them to the whole/perfect ones.<br />
<br />
4. From the drift wood: Sometimes the rough seas are there to soften your edges.<br />
<br />
5. From the slow to emerge sun: The dark skies are temporary.<br />
<br />
6. From a friend: Forgiveness, whether giving or receiving-is a gift.<br />
<br />
7. From the hotel desk clerk: Joy is contagious.<br />
<br />
8. From a sunset: Sometimes you just have to stop thinking and doing so much. Be still and soak it up.<br />
<br />
9. From the day: Sometimes the best days are the ones where there is no plan. Go with the flow. Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-44753006180936277722012-09-14T18:33:00.001-07:002012-09-14T18:34:00.866-07:00Please Honor My Silence...Again.I find myself back in this familiar place of grieving....profound grieving. I have retreated, as I always do when I am in this place. I need space and solitude to process what has happened and begin to heal. I know when I do this, that it is difficult for the people who love me and want to help but you can't. What I need most is for you to honor my silence and stillness. Trust that I am safe and that I know what I need to heal.<br />
<br />
Please don't ask me how I am. It forces me to stop and assess and I just end up in a million pieces. Right now I am getting through minute by minute, soon hour by hour, then day by day. If I get to a place where I need help, I will let you know-promise. <br />
<br />
Please don't touch me. I can't tolerate the closeness. I am so raw that my skin hurts. If I need you to hug me, I will ask for one.<br />
<br />
Please dont ask me what happened. Even if I could find the words to tell you my story, you would not be able to comprehend the depth, the beauty or the sacredness of it. No, this story will never be told. Out of love, respect and gratitude for him, it will remain in the deepest place of my soul and on the pages where it has been written. Yes, it was worth every minute of this heartache and I would do it all over again even knowing how this chapter ends.<br />
<br />
Please don't be offended. I don't want to know what you think I should do, or what you think I need. I've done this grieving thing before, remember? I know what I need and that is for you to honor my silence....again.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-33577031931135732252012-07-27T09:54:00.000-07:002012-07-27T09:54:57.577-07:00Worthiness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Its been a challenging week. RAW is the only word that comes to mind. All of the things I have avoided feeling for the last year have begun to seep out of my skin and my usual ways of holding them at bay are failing me....so I have no choice but to lean in and hope I come out on the other side. It's been rough, really rough. I feel weak, vulnerable, flawed, and of course UNWORTHY to be loved right now. I hate it. I hate that when I am less than my best self I always end up there-on unworthiness island. </span> <span style="font-size: large;">I retreat, isolate, avoid until I deem myself ACCEPTABLE again. Thankfully, I have a few people in my life who find me acceptable when I don't. They love me anyway-even all the ugly parts, the unrealistic expectations, even when I don't want to be loved. One of the beautiful women in my tribe sent me this quote with a sweet note reminding me that my worthiness to be loved is a birthright. No one on the planet is unworthy of love. Thank you sister for your WISDOM....and your LOVE. This quote will be my mantra in the coming weeks</span></div>
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Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-30186341909482966782012-07-01T17:28:00.002-07:002012-07-01T17:28:47.701-07:00She Flies By Her Own Wings<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've been quiet for a while. I had to go inward for this last leg of the finding Miss P. journey-a place so deep that there are no words. You see I found Miss P, found me....just had no idea all of the painful, confusing and joyful places this process would take me. I had no idea that while I was shedding layers to get to me, I would also shed people, beliefs, dreams, and sometimes the skin off of my back. I have had to make decisions that have hurt people I love in order to live this authentic life. I have had to face some truths about myself-some of them ugly truths in order to be real about who I am. I have had to embrace uncertainty, vulnerability, and allow myself to break wide open. I have spent alot of time feeling RAW and untouchable-sometimes the layers fall off with relief and sometimes they have to be ripped away. I am down to the last layers now and I fly by my own wings. I still have work to do-I still fight the gremlins sometimes, its still easy to fall into unworthiness mode and I seem to still let people into my life that I don't matter to so that they can validate that for me.....I am much less tolerant of those people now and they don't get to stay long. I still medicate so that I don't have to feel things sometimes. But, I feel whole and good in my skin......most days. I'm cool with most days. I am not looking for perfect, just whole.<br />
<br />
Last week marked the one year anniversary of my beloved friend Stephen's death. I would like to tell you that time has healed my heart but it hasn't. All time has done is allow me to get used to the dull ache that is always present and figure out how to keep living without him. I still have days when I lay on my face on the floor because I miss him so much. It is still hard to believe he's gone. Sometimes I have to say to people "Steve is dead, he drowned" just to hear it outloud, to make it real. It never sounds real but it feels real-every day. On the anniversary date I was laying in a hospital bed with the blood of a stranger dripping into my body so I could get well (there is a significance to that that, that is between me and Steve-too personal to share). I was so weak that I kept drifting in and out of sleep. Maybe I was dreaming...maybe not, but I could hear him whispering to me and could swear that he sat on the end of my bed for a while during my transfusion. It was a surreal but comforting day. I have come to understand that this grief is a symbol of how much he was loved and so I embrace it and lean in when a wave comes.<br />
<br />
So what's next? This month is going to be difficult because I am starting life over by myself. I am trying to let things unfold as they are suppose to. All of this uncertainty is hard but part of the process I suppose. Things feel really out of control right now, not something I handle well. I am learning to be ok with that-I say "I don't know" alot and I am silent alot too. I am trying to stay grounded. <br />
<br />
I've spent the last year on demolition, now it's time to rebuild and remodel. Maybe I will chop off all of my hair and dye it red, maybe I will buy a food truck and travel the country selling tacos, or maybe I will learn to parachute..........who knows. What I do know is that Miss Paisley is looking forward to new dreams and new adventures. I will keep you posted.Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-78873108703520229072012-03-03T14:55:00.001-08:002012-03-03T15:26:11.841-08:00The Call<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR_fDDpSuA-WyEMREIHL2ulCmMPuwwePRuANMNjNpa6LV9z55TjA0tY_Ds2YOO8OfQRarZKL2WbI92QCKdzmVyUCRGmXcZqxvb6eRdDG4zZO_37UY9pLHVblrdLDiQLm-8X7-ty-qPscg/s1600/108016091032222363_yZQ9RCPQ_c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR_fDDpSuA-WyEMREIHL2ulCmMPuwwePRuANMNjNpa6LV9z55TjA0tY_Ds2YOO8OfQRarZKL2WbI92QCKdzmVyUCRGmXcZqxvb6eRdDG4zZO_37UY9pLHVblrdLDiQLm-8X7-ty-qPscg/s320/108016091032222363_yZQ9RCPQ_c.jpg" width="284" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">When the call comes for more</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">For change</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">For freedom</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">For awakening</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">For stepping into who you were always meant to be</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;"><br class="spacer_" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">It doesn't usually arrive as a sparkly party invitation</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;"><br class="spacer_" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">Often the call for liberation is more like a silent stalker</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">A sense of being followed by something dark and disquieting that simply won't go away</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">A low level feeling of dread that crawls into bed with you at 3 AM</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">That sends your nervous system into spasm</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">And your mind into narrow spirals of incoherent panic</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;"><br class="spacer_" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">Its the visit from the unknown</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">That leaves you in a fog of confusion</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">Teetering off balance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">And wandering aimlessly through seemingly outwardly purposeful days</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;"><br class="spacer_" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;"><br class="spacer_" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">A part of you knows that something has ended</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">That you're going through the motions of a life that is no longer yours</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">That dread is really grief</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">A keening cry for the old days and the old you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">The one that you know so well</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">The one whose scent and shape has housed all you have ever recognized as home</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;"><br class="spacer_" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">You love this one</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">You don't want her to go</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">To die</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">To be no more</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;"><br class="spacer_" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">You cry out "Not now!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">"Can't we put this off for just a tiny bit longer?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">"It's too soon"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">"I'm JUST NOT READY!!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;"><br class="spacer_" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">But the pact has been made</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">The contract signed</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">The deal already done</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;"><br class="spacer_" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">Your soul has decided</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">It is time to move on</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">To step into a much larger world</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">A more authentic life</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;"><br class="spacer_" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">And left what was once so familiar lying on the floor like a translucent snake skin</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Tahoma, sans-serif;">Already shriveling in the heat and light of the brightly shining noonday sun.</span><br />
<div style="clear: both; margin-left: 190px; padding-top: 20px;"> </div><div class="post-copyright"><b>Thank you Chris Zydel. Copyright ©2012 Creative Juices Arts.</b></div>Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-49737352762608182552012-02-10T05:43:00.000-08:002012-02-10T05:43:29.450-08:00Now is the time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUKza6AZGJC5Dwk54Yk3CwPQsFo7SSNWYmVA82mZGXiJZd3QX7WI2lfLRWFRNthG0RW0ZRf-MOamNutQ9ymBc14Ef0XyplXdgjmLFPKpqmjEu2G6EGN0_va7VbjbXvGDySIbEbFSd3HYc/s1600/Goddess_Mandala_by_Cha0sCat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUKza6AZGJC5Dwk54Yk3CwPQsFo7SSNWYmVA82mZGXiJZd3QX7WI2lfLRWFRNthG0RW0ZRf-MOamNutQ9ymBc14Ef0XyplXdgjmLFPKpqmjEu2G6EGN0_va7VbjbXvGDySIbEbFSd3HYc/s1600/Goddess_Mandala_by_Cha0sCat.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Now is the time to know<br />
That all that you do is sacred.<br />
<br />
Now, why not consider<br />
A lasting truce with yourself and God?<br />
<br />
Now is the time to understand<br />
That all of your ideas of right and wrong<br />
Were just a child's training wheels<br />
To be laid aside<br />
When you</strong> <strong>can finally live<br />
With veracity<br />
And love.<br />
<br />
My dear, please tell me,<br />
Why do you still<br />
Throw sticks at your heart<br />
And God?<br />
<br />
What is it in that sweet voice inside<br />
That incites you to fear?<br />
<br />
Now is the time for the world to know<br />
That every thought and action is sacred.</strong><br />
<strong>This is the time<br />
For you to deeply compute the impossibility</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>That there is anything<br />
But grace.<br />
<br />
Now is the season to know<br />
That everything you do<br />
Is sacred.</strong></span> </div><div style="text-align: center;">-Hafiz</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Thanks for this reminder Pixie Campbell </div>Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-31067445513382679342011-12-27T06:56:00.001-08:002012-01-01T14:35:44.767-08:00DEEP<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5Y2r1OAHHJXcxwebXR_mpDbvyND4tf_dObZmi33QR6-DNGrAWzUjUpDSaSUAUhj2ox1E3C2YBe37Kl9gDsFfDFiMk1CP-A96C5KrQkkRY4932LS-Rwz189YvYN8HlTscr8LcdHxHU-aQ/s1600/387286_10150477444106410_664101409_10477026_1811271279_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5Y2r1OAHHJXcxwebXR_mpDbvyND4tf_dObZmi33QR6-DNGrAWzUjUpDSaSUAUhj2ox1E3C2YBe37Kl9gDsFfDFiMk1CP-A96C5KrQkkRY4932LS-Rwz189YvYN8HlTscr8LcdHxHU-aQ/s320/387286_10150477444106410_664101409_10477026_1811271279_n.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Its been a while since I've posted. This last painting class I took called DEEP took me to places so deep within myself there were no words for what was happening. It took me completely out of my comfort zone in ways that were incredibly difficult and beautiful at the same time. It so wasn't about the painting.....have I said that before? Anyway, I neded some time to digest it all.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The first part of the class I did some abstract pieces both I hated and walked away from. I kept hearing these painting tell me to add white.......so scary for me because I dont really paint with white...dont know why, jst don't. I gave in and added some white to both aintings and they were transformed into something beautiful that I love. Both BIG pieces are framed and on my mantle. First time I have put up a piece of my art anywhere but my studio and office. The lesson for me in painting and in life, was to LET THE LIGHT IN. I am worthy of it and so is my art. Allowing the Light (Creative Source) into my art and life created a level of contrast and beauty that I would have missed otherwise</span>.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4Fjt89R7K8RdAB8kiKSKAjZQaWE6WMf_nOxBJkRY3FrbOWfBiP2nkj3T_ztb4UxHOrjtar0sheBnL5XMdgBtFOONCesizp9m0JG7okj16sj4n4uudy40AZH4hgIjcFA04ruKzJOHU4XA/s1600/387332_10150430722096410_664101409_10251044_16958700_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4Fjt89R7K8RdAB8kiKSKAjZQaWE6WMf_nOxBJkRY3FrbOWfBiP2nkj3T_ztb4UxHOrjtar0sheBnL5XMdgBtFOONCesizp9m0JG7okj16sj4n4uudy40AZH4hgIjcFA04ruKzJOHU4XA/s320/387332_10150430722096410_664101409_10251044_16958700_n.jpg" width="212" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">These paintings were also about TRUST. Trusting in what the painting was telling me and not resisting it. That is what Intuitive Painting is all about, after all. This lesson would smack me in the face in the weeks that followed.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWXFJu8ZPdZ5u2DIcBCqvK_Vu8jBhGCgqTpOhz6JO-Fl_5TgQHQALCOSMvChjroEQNvhNk_mxXKpmNcgxl83PkxqEM2hdhIXbhIO7C_o2rRZ1Dkzk6vmjnYB_VEUhB-PuJJ2bARwbSNP0/s1600/20111119_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWXFJu8ZPdZ5u2DIcBCqvK_Vu8jBhGCgqTpOhz6JO-Fl_5TgQHQALCOSMvChjroEQNvhNk_mxXKpmNcgxl83PkxqEM2hdhIXbhIO7C_o2rRZ1Dkzk6vmjnYB_VEUhB-PuJJ2bARwbSNP0/s400/20111119_2.jpg" width="280" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">It was the Week 4 Intitation that brought me to my knees in this class. The assignment was to paint My Past, What No Longer Serves Me, or What I Wish to Let Go. YIKES! I immediately saw a tree that represented me. I don't really paint trees but it was very clear to me that this is what belonged on my big blank piece of paper. I thought it was a good representation of me because of the growth I had experienced in the last year, the strength I had gained from that and the grounding roots I had acquirred in the process..........Ummm. This painting had something much more RAW and DEEP than that. in mind. I happily painted my beautiful "me" tree. I was almost finished when I made a small "mistake" and then tried to "fix" it...it was ruined and I was heartbroken. Then the painting told me to surround the tree with a purple bubble....what?! Trust, Trust, Trust. I did it and it made it worse...even ugly. I was sobbing...grieving this tree that I had worked on for hours....and then it asked me to cover the whole painting in these spiderwebish white lines.....I pled with it, it was going to make it even uglier...I did it and it was indeed uglier. I layed on the floor and just sobbed...all of the old self hate talk arrived right on time to tell me I wasnt an artist, I wasn't worthy, I was stupid for ruining my tree, how could I have been so dumb, if I had any skill at all I could have fixed the mistake without ruining it. I HATED this painting, it was ruined, damaged, ugly, not worthy of compassion. I tried to fix it one more time by trying to wipe off the spider web lines but they were there like big scars. I decided to walk away and start over in the morning. Up above is the damaged painting after I tried to wipe off the scars and the weird purple bubble thing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I woke up the next morning realizing the the tree and everything I had done to it the night before had been a perfect representation of my past, my paint, my scars and everything that I wanted to let go of. I had surounded it with urple healing energy. The process had been painful It was like ripping off old bandaids, letting the wounds breath, heal and be released...or giving birth or both. I suddenly has such compassion for this damaged tree that I decide to heal her rather than start over. I pulled her off of the easel and sat with her on the floor and ministered to her, loving healing the damage from the day before, painting over the damaged places. What emerged was a tree more beautiful than the first. If you look closely some of the scars from the night before are still visible under the new paint but they don't define the painting anymore...just like mine. Here is the healed "me" tree. She has bigger branches and leaves, bigger blooms, and shows growth yet to come. CRAZY DEEP!!!!!!!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">There were other asignments but this one was the most meaningful and beautiful for me to walk through. I finished this class with a deeper understanding of myself on so many levels, and a deeper sense of direction. If you are interest in Connie Hozvika's painting classes <a href="http://www.dirtyfootprints-studio.com/p/workshops-retreats_24.html">go here</a>. She is doing another BIG class in a couple of weeks and also has a freebie mini class on her website. You dont have to have any painting experience</span> <span style="font-size: large;">and you will meet some amazing women during the life changing process.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Have some other super exciting stuff tell you but it will have to wait for another day....it;s BIG! BIG! BIG! News...so stay tuned.</span>Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-10405721924412694042011-12-06T05:19:00.000-08:002011-12-06T05:19:59.090-08:00What is Flow?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJF12T1vrD9Zd-6785X2-ooEuehJIpJMQ7KzBJncBzZ7VG1Cd-LzFpjcOHeUzmBOZRI-R8Rvu2080errPWvXRLKFP357pJkt7xgwOV4Q5uWQpOt9-vmrzM2Qdi2qGquowT2Fa0D_syOJc/s1600/304270_10150420445904785_289018219784_8128015_1223020460_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJF12T1vrD9Zd-6785X2-ooEuehJIpJMQ7KzBJncBzZ7VG1Cd-LzFpjcOHeUzmBOZRI-R8Rvu2080errPWvXRLKFP357pJkt7xgwOV4Q5uWQpOt9-vmrzM2Qdi2qGquowT2Fa0D_syOJc/s1600/304270_10150420445904785_289018219784_8128015_1223020460_n.jpg" /></a></div><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"><tbody>
<tr><td valign="bottom"> <div align="left"><span style="font-size: x-large;">This is an excellent article from </span><a href="http://soulfulliving.com/"><span style="font-size: x-large;">soulfulliving.com</span></a><span style="font-size: x-large;"> that talks about the practice of being in the "flow". This will be the intention I set for myself for the new year-to live more fully in the flow.</span></div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left"><span style="font-size: x-large;">What is Flow?</span><span style="color: #006699;"><br />
</span><b><span style="color: #6600cc; font-size: small;">by Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom</span></b> </div></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div align="left"><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Awakening one morning in his sunny Austin bedroom, Caylor Wadlington heard himself saying out loud, "So I’m moving to Denver?" The words were part exclamation, part question, and they woke him up completely. As surprised as he was, he also experienced a happy, pleasurable feeling. But by the next day, he had dismissed the whole thing as just an odd dream. After all, he was cozily ensconced in Austin, where he had lived eight years, and he knew hardly a soul in Denver. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Then, out of the blue came a phone call from an officer of his national professional association, who invited Caylor to participate in a week-long work meeting — in Denver. <i>Hmmm. . . .maybe there is something to this, </i>Caylor thought, and without further hesitation he said yes.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">In Denver, after the meeting ended, Caylor was chatting with another participant, a man who ran a school in the city. "Caylor, if you ever want to live here, I’d like to hire you to teach for me," he said. Caylor thanked him calmly, but inside he was stunned: <em>This is amazing! Walls are coming down to open the way for me to move here!</em></span><br />
<em></em><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">To leave Austin, however, would require selling a professional business that was so specialized he figured it would take at least a year to find a buyer. Quietly beginning to look around, Caylor invited a friend to Sunday brunch and, over coffee and pastries, laid out the prospect. His friend was not interested, but just as he said no, a colleague of theirs walked in. Caylor had not thought of him as a buyer, but struck by the timing, he told him his business was for sale. The colleague was more than interested — he was thrilled. "Don’t tell another soul!" he said excitedly. "I definitely want it." <em>This seems to be happening all by itself,</em> mused Caylor. Then he received a letter from his landlord: Caylor’s condominium was going to be put on the market. A dream, an opportunity, an offer, the boot—the message was unmistakable. Caylor willingly closed down his life in charming Austin, and moved to Denver.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Caylor wears no wings, sees no auras. But to him, life works in magical and surprising ways when he’s connected to a deeper force in the Universe—and he knows he’s connected because he feels it physically, as a soft, warm feeling inside that links him to a sweet expansiveness. When he’s in that state, he experiences meaningful coincidence after meaningful coincidence. "They add magic to my life, and tell me that the action I’m taking is safe and true and right," he says. And they point the way to new opportunities: "Although I loved Austin, I was starting to feel bored and a little stuck professionally and personally," he says now. "I thought that Denver might open the way in my life to some important changes."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Caylor lives in flow — and through it he has come into a fuller, truer existence. Flow is the natural, effortless unfolding of our lives in a way that moves us toward wholeness and harmony. When we are in flow, occurrences line up, events fall into place, and obstacles melt away. Rather than life being a meaningless struggle, it is permeated with a deep sense of purposefulness and order. Flow has tremendous power to transform our lives, for it is dynamic and moves us unerringly toward joy and aliveness.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Most of us have had experiences of being in flow. In those times, we know we’re in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. We feel both exhilarated and at peace, somehow connected to something larger and greater than ourselves. Life is rich with meaning, magic and purpose. We feel vital, alive, joyful. But for most of us, it doesn’t happen often enough or for long enough. We feel glimmerings of flow, and then they fade away.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This doesn’t have to be the case: people like Caylor have learned to make flow their way of life, the rule rather than the exception. The way they do it is through synchronicity -- those meaningful coincidences in which outside events, seemingly disconnected in time and space, link up with our internal states and connect us with the greater whole.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When synchronicity happens, people like Caylor follow the direction it seems to indicate — and then they watch synchronicity happen more and more. They know they are deeply in flow when synchronicity is sparking all around them. By using synchronicity for guidance, confirmation, and validation, their lives become a dance of energy with the Universe, a give-and-take with their environment that fills their days with insight and zest.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This way of life requires giving paying attention to meaningful coincidence. Caylor, for example, could have disregarded his dream and turned down the Denver job. But over time he had developed a strong respect for what he considers signs from the Universe, both subtle and unmistakable. He has learned that by paying attention to these signs, he reaches new levels of comprehension about his inner life and his role in the world.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Synchronicity is lyrical—a little sprite of a surprise, a little gift," he says. "It can get so big that everything can start to talk to you; everything can suggest things. When you enter that dimension, synchronicity becomes part of your self-definition."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Think of the times synchronicity has happened in your life. It might be when you thought of someone and the phone rang with that person on the other end. Maybe you ran across someone from home in a faraway place when you were feeling lonely, or the same number repeated itself at significant times, or unlikely events dramatically converged to save you in a tight spot.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When you experience flow on a daily basis, synchronicities such as these are as natural to you as breathing. Although by its very nature, synchronicity cannot be created, controlled, or planned, when you live a life of flow, you can practically depend on synchronicity to show up.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Notice the words: it’s <i>when </i>you experience flow — not if. That’s because the power of flow is absolutely attainable. To experience it requires first of all that you choose to undertake that process. Then you must develop the necessary skills, much as you do when you learn to ride a bike: it takes focus to learn the basics and practice to make it second nature, but once you know how to do it, you enjoy ease and smoothness and elation. Flow is a lifelong process that is rich with rewards all along the way.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">In writing the book <i>The Power of Flow, </i>to understand how flow works, we interviewed fifty "flowmasters" — people highly engaged in the process of flow. They range in age from seventeen to ninety-six and include lawyers, dancers, secretaries, students, foundation heads, middle managers, therapists, professors, consultants, homemakers, teachers, activists, health professionals, a minister, a rancher, an inventor. We spent absorbing hours with them, delving into why their lives have purpose, inner ease and joyfulness. We asked them about their turning points, their beliefs, their daily practices. We explored why life works so well for them, and what they do day to day to experience flow consciously and consistently.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The flowmasters did not have only one approach to life. Some were feisty and engaged in changing the world; some were gentle and relaxed; some had the exuberance of children; some had thoughtful, deliberate ways. Looking back over our discussions, commonalities emerged. The flowmasters were open; they stretched themselves to learn and grow; they had deep integrity; they constantly felt steadfastly grateful; and they were dedicated to living by their inner truths. Being with them made us feel richer, and hours of engrossing conversation passed like minutes.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Valuable information came from two other sources as well. In response to magazine and newspaper articles, hundreds of people from all over the country filled out surveys on their experiences and beliefs. And we organized nine focus groups involving 98 people across the country who hashed through the topics, processes, and techniques we'd learned from the flowmasters. The flowmaster interviews, surveys, and group discussions were transcribed and sorted by subject matter into 241 categories. When printed out — a 12-hour process — the reports filled nearly 1,600 pages.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Our conclusion from this research process is that flow is the ultimate feedback machine. Flow responds directly to our beliefs, behaviors, and actions. We can either enhance this state of perfect timing and flawless serendipity, or we can diminish it and even cut it off. When we become open, willing, trusting, we experience flow as fulfillment and joy, and synchronicities pop up all over the place. When we become fearful, doubting, controlling, flow diminishes, our day is filled with blocks and frustrations, and synchronicities cease.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We distilled the major beliefs, attitudes and behaviors of the flowmasters into the nine attributes that engage flow. They are:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<blockquote><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><ul><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Commitment – Living by our deepest values </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Honesty – Telling the truth to ourselves and others </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Courage – Overcoming our fears </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Passion—Engaging at deep levels with what we care about </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Immediacy – Being in the moment </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Openness – Saying Yes to whatever comes our way </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Receptivity – Listening to inner and outer messages </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Positivity – Finding the value in each situation </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Trust – Having faith in ourselves and the Universe </span></li>
</ul></blockquote><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We identified fourteen practical techniques to deepen those attributes in ourselves:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<blockquote><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><ol><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Be aware </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Accept yourself and others </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Express who you really are </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Create silence </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Follow your intuition </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Practice mindfulness </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Do 100% of what you know to do – and trust </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Finish things and move on </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Take risks </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Break with your old reality </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Appreciate yourself </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Express gratitude </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Give of yourself </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Get a point of view from the Universe </span></li>
</ol></blockquote><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The response of focus groups that tried out the exercises offered in the book and the feedback of readers since then has assured us that, yes, we all have it within ourselves to expand into meaning, lightness, and serenity. We don’t have to be yogis chanting mantras in icy Himalayan caves to live in this state of inner peace. Because synchronicity is the key — and synchronicity occurs to absolutely everyone — we all have it within ourselves to live in flow.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">No matter where you are on your path, this approach works. If you have been pursuing personal and spiritual growth for years, this approach can provide you with feedback from the Universe that will lead you to understand yourself even better. If you are just now turning your attention to life’s deeper questions, it offers you an easy, immediate means of access into the workings of your consciousness. If your world is devoid of meaning, here’s a way to find significance in the commonplace. A bird flying across your path, a book dropped at your feet, a postcard arriving in the mail – all can improbably but definitively connect you to deeper currents of existence.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The journey will transform your life. With synchronicity as your compass, flow is your inevitable destination.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>© Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom. All Rights Reserved. Adapted from The Power of Flow: Practical Ways to Transform Your Life with Meaningful Coincidence<i> </i>(Three Rivers Press 1998).</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #6600cc;"><br />
</span>Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-49467372611049932682011-11-21T16:15:00.001-08:002011-11-21T16:15:19.085-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyhyphenhyphenhWYYfnnoNFaAg4g18JP1J8pT_TNdxmb4zv1ts30YHpaY7DKEs02Vi5rVS0tku84huIYaeMwwSEjhCuIGcniSp6WPndYT4Lxu3NiIG7sbQR1wPm-std4_oSPoub8SOMxswZRVTJapw/s1600/393594_281011871936919_153592064678901_815846_705148132_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyhyphenhyphenhWYYfnnoNFaAg4g18JP1J8pT_TNdxmb4zv1ts30YHpaY7DKEs02Vi5rVS0tku84huIYaeMwwSEjhCuIGcniSp6WPndYT4Lxu3NiIG7sbQR1wPm-std4_oSPoub8SOMxswZRVTJapw/s320/393594_281011871936919_153592064678901_815846_705148132_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-45357833529537733742011-11-15T05:24:00.000-08:002011-11-15T05:24:01.461-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMm08lT0CydkA9LsFnOC5BZQgpwLtMFBOuPCHf6OGLTKMSjeO1ZQC9b1J5iTGOnoYo4kdYhBRD-0Km0A-tsRdi9mlNVDwDis72J1laF8wCjDtanLU8Gqqoe3SFHH7kJq0kqxUwvseKoU0/s1600/108016091032223273_jkMdDBbd_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMm08lT0CydkA9LsFnOC5BZQgpwLtMFBOuPCHf6OGLTKMSjeO1ZQC9b1J5iTGOnoYo4kdYhBRD-0Km0A-tsRdi9mlNVDwDis72J1laF8wCjDtanLU8Gqqoe3SFHH7kJq0kqxUwvseKoU0/s400/108016091032223273_jkMdDBbd_b.jpg" width="314" /></a></div>Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-78641631007792128752011-11-13T17:42:00.001-08:002011-11-13T17:42:54.814-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcXWw0Rw7IToSw8We6lJZxnX0YgpRGn1fPxHo6Pplgwrsw0Ae16acsVw1YYfh-yHJ-uZRaUBocys7I_SUm6NkV4Ljo9W4wq_HEnl_f0DMdwRbfBZaZ5S7n5Vj6HBgs4ZqkszsBVHrdh6E/s1600/188658671859915944_DRLQkKHo_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcXWw0Rw7IToSw8We6lJZxnX0YgpRGn1fPxHo6Pplgwrsw0Ae16acsVw1YYfh-yHJ-uZRaUBocys7I_SUm6NkV4Ljo9W4wq_HEnl_f0DMdwRbfBZaZ5S7n5Vj6HBgs4ZqkszsBVHrdh6E/s640/188658671859915944_DRLQkKHo_b.jpg" width="195" /></a></div>Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-46844604517484010832011-11-04T16:22:00.001-07:002011-11-04T16:22:49.102-07:00Self Love Manifesto<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZZYkG4mtpNko0CWhH2vrevB0wKpabPWsn4UCikN3-09VhuUSdnoc8NcaBV-H6wcexa6cJrZ9H6qAmUrAh_KVczOnjfgtyBHZP6iQMDRxRzHRpATVLKSkXUnA5PXyglcJ6XkrOtzPxaIg/s1600/443994772_axfJa70Y_c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZZYkG4mtpNko0CWhH2vrevB0wKpabPWsn4UCikN3-09VhuUSdnoc8NcaBV-H6wcexa6cJrZ9H6qAmUrAh_KVczOnjfgtyBHZP6iQMDRxRzHRpATVLKSkXUnA5PXyglcJ6XkrOtzPxaIg/s1600/443994772_axfJa70Y_c.jpg" /></a></div>Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-46865537470658836182011-10-23T08:31:00.000-07:002011-10-23T08:31:31.069-07:00FEARLESS PAINTING-DEEP<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinhJhyphenhyphenF4TdmYFzIqYxPCO7T9eORUksnGCm8Dai4-1YP363uC7bwyTGdGhX2k_DDP_-jmb8KZzusfaFGNRQkQqhVyawgQvQpH66iwMkw7SAQSPp78adZWaBkCopRP8E8snLz-8eZVt1BXg/s1600/DEEPBIGBUTTON.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinhJhyphenhyphenF4TdmYFzIqYxPCO7T9eORUksnGCm8Dai4-1YP363uC7bwyTGdGhX2k_DDP_-jmb8KZzusfaFGNRQkQqhVyawgQvQpH66iwMkw7SAQSPp78adZWaBkCopRP8E8snLz-8eZVt1BXg/s320/DEEPBIGBUTTON.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<span class="font-size-4"><span style="font-size: large;">So today is the beginning of the next class of FEARLESS Painting. This Class is called DEEP. I am soooo excited to get started. I can't wait to see what amazing things I will uncover about myself through this process, and what cool stuff I will create. Soooo many layers came off in the first class. I feel like I am going to get down to the good stuff this time. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-4"><span style="font-size: large;">Today I am preparing for painting in the fall/winter. I have to move my studio out of the sun room, into the mud room where its warm. The mud room has a whole different feel to it and not as much natural light but I am thinkin' it may bring something new and different to the painting process-we'll see. If I don't like it in there, I can always put on a parka and move back into the sun room....here's hoping for a short winter.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-4"><span style="font-size: large;">So something that was mentioned in class this morning was the idea that as artists, we are called to create and for me there is no other choice but to answer the call. I tried to think back to a time when I wasn't creating and I can't think of one. I have been an artist for as long as I can remember. I am trying to be the artist I was when I was little, when I just painted, colored, drew, etc. and never questioned whether I could do it or was good at it. When it didn't matter what it looked like-it was always fabulous to me....if you couldn't figure out what it was, it was your problem, not a reflection of my skill. I love process painting because it lets me just paint and be that little kid again. It isnt about perfection, composition, blah, blah, blah. It's just about being intuitive, connect to creative source, being present, listening, trusting, and enjoying the process without attachment to the outcome.....kind of a road map for life. Hmm.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-4"><span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, I will be sharing my lessons learned, found wisdom, and of course some art...stay tuned! Be Fearless!!</span></span>Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-80187942107516506522011-10-15T20:50:00.000-07:002011-10-15T20:50:06.455-07:00Go Now and Live<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ-xUwagxaILPJCMN_with_P1O-ezQY0TPg6iKpk7wX_QRmmBUQyJHgqO3q3RsWyztedP5lTxKuuzcTVFNK7s9XfdXEYZtymyJ6m07PT0tNo11wsDWGZDpqq1bup24TsKeu-3FepMj_Jc/s1600/go+now+and+live.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ-xUwagxaILPJCMN_with_P1O-ezQY0TPg6iKpk7wX_QRmmBUQyJHgqO3q3RsWyztedP5lTxKuuzcTVFNK7s9XfdXEYZtymyJ6m07PT0tNo11wsDWGZDpqq1bup24TsKeu-3FepMj_Jc/s640/go+now+and+live.jpg" width="515" /></a></div>Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-78817668027658791452011-10-12T06:11:00.000-07:002011-10-12T06:11:20.531-07:00Hey You!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPz-LeZfYuSTo4OS_n1FcO2w40k2i74ASa8bLAnDyf2ShHAaM59ND0Yh_PqGlwIXWZyHeahRoGHuwZNFXh0Vt8EZlo6EexWshtA9WCh-tVgkLPZ_XUqRmF3XqzAzDvycwLmGIUWRKjNSA/s1600/Hey+You.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPz-LeZfYuSTo4OS_n1FcO2w40k2i74ASa8bLAnDyf2ShHAaM59ND0Yh_PqGlwIXWZyHeahRoGHuwZNFXh0Vt8EZlo6EexWshtA9WCh-tVgkLPZ_XUqRmF3XqzAzDvycwLmGIUWRKjNSA/s320/Hey+You.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-75980251931167018792011-10-03T06:49:00.001-07:002011-10-03T06:49:18.298-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBTIKS2vgpxJVFsX1kxCj_UnGGbEy4q14-0doKS99fSwW4kxzB4Ix8HdsB78T-S96jr09RlXagAFhaBelD8Ai8C8alPZCpcUJxksNptV4J-I1HSYTxTk7yElWHSy5kNKDONuz5iuEuVYs/s1600/295781_10150323305654239_141439374238_7784789_1672094614_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBTIKS2vgpxJVFsX1kxCj_UnGGbEy4q14-0doKS99fSwW4kxzB4Ix8HdsB78T-S96jr09RlXagAFhaBelD8Ai8C8alPZCpcUJxksNptV4J-I1HSYTxTk7yElWHSy5kNKDONuz5iuEuVYs/s400/295781_10150323305654239_141439374238_7784789_1672094614_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1652750785391208799.post-74697217483849296572011-09-28T09:19:00.000-07:002011-09-28T09:19:41.336-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQdLThjn8HxI02ehQlnNNslJ95C-OnDs_r6jL3h8so0gfzf_Y1TDYm5M-GVXqUOBfR5iDISOBTjTvK-7R_S7RH0ZfCseFKIzDnVlK_Q8XvsZppE4TShaHcBWkcAmNciGn4oVyETh6mJqI/s1600/315068_277723152251557_108742872482920_1008862_933337524_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="327" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQdLThjn8HxI02ehQlnNNslJ95C-OnDs_r6jL3h8so0gfzf_Y1TDYm5M-GVXqUOBfR5iDISOBTjTvK-7R_S7RH0ZfCseFKIzDnVlK_Q8XvsZppE4TShaHcBWkcAmNciGn4oVyETh6mJqI/s400/315068_277723152251557_108742872482920_1008862_933337524_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Whether a woman knows it or not, she is a vessel of great magnitude born capable of reshaping humanities destiny if she only knew the true depths of her innate gifts.</span> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <u>Wo</u><a href="http://www.facebook.com/womenriseup" title="To tag someone, type @ and then the friend's name"><span style="color: #3b5998;">men Rise Up with </span></a><span style="color: #3b5998;"><u>ALisa Starkweather</u></span></div>Heidi B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00386135579942049052noreply@blogger.com0