Tuesday, December 27, 2011


Its been a while since I've posted.  This last painting class I took called DEEP took me to places so deep within myself there were no words for what was happening. It took me completely out of my comfort zone in ways that were incredibly difficult and beautiful at the same time.  It so wasn't about the painting.....have I said that before? Anyway, I neded some time to digest it all.

The first part of the class I did some abstract pieces both I hated and walked away from.  I kept hearing these painting tell me to add white.......so scary for me because I dont really paint with white...dont know why, jst don't.  I gave in and added some white to both aintings and they were transformed into something beautiful that I love.  Both BIG pieces are framed and on my mantle.  First time I have put up a piece of my art anywhere but my studio and office. The lesson for me in painting and in life, was to LET THE LIGHT IN.  I am worthy of it and so is my art.  Allowing the Light (Creative Source) into my art and life created a level of contrast and beauty that I would have missed otherwise.

These paintings were also about TRUST.  Trusting in what the painting was telling me and not resisting it.   That is what Intuitive Painting is all about, after all.  This lesson would smack me in the face in the weeks that followed.

It was the Week 4 Intitation that brought me to my knees in this class.  The assignment was to paint My Past, What No Longer Serves Me, or What I Wish to Let Go. YIKES!  I immediately saw a tree that represented me.  I don't really paint trees but it was very clear to me that this is what belonged on my big blank piece of paper.  I thought it was a good representation of me because of the growth I had experienced in the last year, the strength I had gained from that and the grounding roots I had acquirred in the process..........Ummm.  This painting had something much more RAW and DEEP than that. in mind.  I happily painted my beautiful "me" tree.  I was almost finished when I made a small "mistake" and then tried to "fix" it...it was ruined and I was heartbroken.  Then the painting told me to surround the tree with a purple bubble....what?!  Trust, Trust, Trust.  I did it and it made it worse...even ugly.  I was sobbing...grieving this tree that I had worked on for hours....and then it asked me to cover the whole painting in these spiderwebish white lines.....I pled with it, it was going to make it even uglier...I did it and it was indeed uglier.  I layed on the floor and just sobbed...all of the old self hate talk arrived right on time to tell me I wasnt an artist, I wasn't worthy, I was stupid for ruining my tree, how could I have been so dumb, if I had any skill at all I could have fixed the mistake without ruining it.  I HATED this painting, it was ruined, damaged, ugly, not worthy of compassion.  I tried to fix it one more time by trying to wipe off the spider web lines but they were there like big scars.  I decided to walk away and start over in the morning.  Up above is the damaged painting after I tried to wipe off the scars and the weird purple bubble thing.

I woke up the next morning realizing the the tree and everything I had done to it the night before had been a perfect representation of my past, my paint, my scars and everything that I wanted to let go of. I had surounded it with urple healing energy. The process had been painful It was like ripping off old bandaids, letting the wounds breath, heal and be released...or giving birth or both.  I suddenly has such  compassion for this damaged tree that I decide to heal her rather than start over. I pulled her off of the easel and sat with her on the floor and ministered to her, loving healing the damage from the day before, painting over the damaged places.  What emerged was a tree more beautiful than the first.  If you look closely some of the scars from the night before are still visible under the new paint but they don't define the painting anymore...just like mine.  Here is the healed "me" tree.  She has bigger branches and leaves,  bigger blooms, and shows growth yet to come.  CRAZY DEEP!!!!!!!

There were other asignments but this one was the most meaningful and beautiful for me to walk through.  I finished this class with a deeper understanding of myself on so many levels, and a deeper sense of direction.  If you are interest in Connie Hozvika's painting classes go here.  She is doing another BIG class in a couple of weeks and also has a freebie mini class on her website. You dont have to have any painting experience and you will meet some amazing women during the life changing process.

Have some other super exciting stuff tell you but it will have to wait for another day....it;s BIG!  BIG! BIG! News...so stay tuned.


  1. I love what you shared from DEEP. I hope to be able to take it sometime this year. I did BIG in Spring '11, and it broke me open in places which is just what I needed, but I know there's more and DEEP will get me there. I just know it.

  2. oh you have peaked my interest, so enjoy your paintings. will check back.