I find myself back in this familiar place of grieving....profound grieving. I have retreated, as I always do when I am in this place. I need space and solitude to process what has happened and begin to heal. I know when I do this, that it is difficult for the people who love me and want to help but you can't. What I need most is for you to honor my silence and stillness. Trust that I am safe and that I know what I need to heal.
Please don't ask me how I am. It forces me to stop and assess and I just end up in a million pieces. Right now I am getting through minute by minute, soon hour by hour, then day by day. If I get to a place where I need help, I will let you know-promise.
Please don't touch me. I can't tolerate the closeness. I am so raw that my skin hurts. If I need you to hug me, I will ask for one.
Please dont ask me what happened. Even if I could find the words to tell you my story, you would not be able to comprehend the depth, the beauty or the sacredness of it. No, this story will never be told. Out of love, respect and gratitude for him, it will remain in the deepest place of my soul and on the pages where it has been written. Yes, it was worth every minute of this heartache and I would do it all over again even knowing how this chapter ends.
Please don't be offended. I don't want to know what you think I should do, or what you think I need. I've done this grieving thing before, remember? I know what I need and that is for you to honor my silence....again.