Thursday, June 30, 2011
Life Isn't Complicated
It comes down to this….
Love – Integrity – Forgiveness – Gratitude
Keep these always in the forefront of your thoughts.
And your choices will be apparent.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Heartbroken
I have been spending a lot of time on my belly, face down on the floor, the last two days. When I got the call that my oldest and best friend was dead, it seemed like the only safe thing to do because one of my tethers had been cut, our connection deep in our bellies had been severed and I was bleeding grief....hemorrhaging from the very deepest place in me.
I have experienced the difficult loss of a loved one before, two dads, , grandparents, my friend Kim-but this.....this is the most difficult thing I have had to walk through, I am not even sure that I can. It's hard to breathe, I can't even say out load that he is dead. I have tried and I just hemorrhage some more.
Stephen loved me like nobody else in my life ever has. He loved all of me, even the ugly parts, even when I couldn't love myself. He judged everyone but me. He saved me from bad relationships, bad decisions, rubbed salve on my wounds and walked me through the good stuff too. I did the same for him. To lose my "no matter what" friend is paralyzing...there really are no words to describe this ache, ...his absence, the disconnection of our energy....the raw sucking wound it has left behind.
It was just a few weeks ago that I posted this about Steve on FB:
"Was talking to my bestest friend ever tonight...who I havent actually seen in many years. He is the kind of friend who would help me hide the body if necessary and never pass judgement. The kind who would bail me out of jail, no questions asked (he did that once...long story) or tell me the truth about myself when nobody else will. I was thinking how blessed I am to have that kind of friendship, that has endured many years (25+), lots of distance, several significant others, heartache, joy....just life. To be loved like that is such a gift. Love you back SS."
I don't really know to do next, how to keep going without my "ultimate safety net", my Steve, my friend, my kindred spirit. The floor seems like the only safe and sensible place to be.
 |
| My Steve (Right) |
I have experienced the difficult loss of a loved one before, two dads, , grandparents, my friend Kim-but this.....this is the most difficult thing I have had to walk through, I am not even sure that I can. It's hard to breathe, I can't even say out load that he is dead. I have tried and I just hemorrhage some more.
Stephen loved me like nobody else in my life ever has. He loved all of me, even the ugly parts, even when I couldn't love myself. He judged everyone but me. He saved me from bad relationships, bad decisions, rubbed salve on my wounds and walked me through the good stuff too. I did the same for him. To lose my "no matter what" friend is paralyzing...there really are no words to describe this ache, ...his absence, the disconnection of our energy....the raw sucking wound it has left behind.
It was just a few weeks ago that I posted this about Steve on FB:
"Was talking to my bestest friend ever tonight...who I havent actually seen in many years. He is the kind of friend who would help me hide the body if necessary and never pass judgement. The kind who would bail me out of jail, no questions asked (he did that once...long story) or tell me the truth about myself when nobody else will. I was thinking how blessed I am to have that kind of friendship, that has endured many years (25+), lots of distance, several significant others, heartache, joy....just life. To be loved like that is such a gift. Love you back SS."
I don't really know to do next, how to keep going without my "ultimate safety net", my Steve, my friend, my kindred spirit. The floor seems like the only safe and sensible place to be.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Being A wild Sister
Living in a state of nature; not tamed.
Sister:
Being or considered a sister; related by or as if by sisterhood.
Being wild means embracing your light & your dark, to be your complete, beautiful, perfectly imperfect self.
Being a sister means connecting with your kindred spirits, lifting each other up, sharing your truth & standing together.
Being a wild sister means listening to your heart & following your dreams.
It means living your passion, loving yourself unconditionally & being a force of good in this world.
It means believing in yourself; no matter what others say or how many challenges the world throws at you.
It means letting go of the past, embracing the present & trusting that everything happens for a reason.
It means facing your fears, making mistakes & creating your own path in life.
It means speaking your truth & liberating others to do the same.
It means being real, authentic & free. It’s standing barefoot on the grass, dancing amongst the trees, singing from your soul, chasing rainbows & howling at the moon.
It’s jumping off the cliff & building your wings on the way down.
To subscribe to Wild Sister Magazine click here . Come on! What are you waiting for?
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Get on the Bus
It's a hard thing-to be brave enough to admit that you no longer fit in your skin and go after the things that bring you joy. Uncertainty is scary, but for me living in mediocrity is even more scary. For lots of people, where they are is safe, even if it isn't where they want to be. Chasing joy is just too scary. There always seems to be someone ready to tell you how crazy it is to follow your dreams and all the reasons why you shouldn't do it. They are invested in you NOT finding your joy because if you do, then they have to admit that they don't fit in their skin anymore either and that is just too scary. I am learning to surround myself with the people that love me, feed my dreams, and support my need for change. To have a ticket on my gyspy hippie bus you have to be open to possibilities-for me and for you. There is no room for anyone who can't be brave with me or for me, on this journey.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)