You Are Allowed

Who Is Stopping You?

"Who is stopping you? You. It is not them. It is not a condition. It is not anything, but you. Every limit you see, you are creating. You are believing. You are buying into it. Someone telling you no, means nothing. That does not need to stop you. You get to persevere. You get to keep creating. You get to keep on going."~Tricia Huffman (Your Joyologist) in Wild Sister Magazine

Know This In Your Being

Know this in your being...

'The same force that makes a seed grow effortlessly, is the same force that makes your dreams grow... The difference is the seed doesn't doubt its purpose nor its ability!

Coming From a Place of Love

What you are about to do...
What you are about to say...
Has far reaching effects beyond you.
It matters.
Think kindness... think authentically.

Because when you start from a place of love
What you do and say radiates love.
And that is always good. C.Maloney 

Excavation Process Update

It seems like whenever I make a commitment to something the universe makes it a point to test me to make sure I am really committed.  My commitment to live an authentic life has been no different.  I was almost immediately tested with the devastation of the forest around my town and the devastation of my heart with the loss of my friend.  But guess what, I am still standing firm in my excavation process.  Even my grieving is being done in a way that is mine and I am not concerning myself with what other people think I should or shouldn't be doing to heal....see progress.

I am working really hard to surround myself with only people, things and thoughts that serve me in a positive way.  Getting rid of all of my Negative Nelly acquaintances has been easy by just removing facebook "friends" who do nothing but bitch and complain. I have also tapped in to a group of incredibly creative and inspiring women who's blogs and facebook comments inspire me every day.  I am also in the process of decluttering my stuff-on every level.  I am trying to simplify the accumulation of my adult life.  The gremlins in my head are my biggest challenge to get rid off-the I'm not enough gremlins.  We are in a constant battle but right now I have the upper hand so I fully expect them to pack up and leave any time soon.  I am sure they will leave behind a baby gremlin to try to get to me...we'll see.

My commitmnt to making art everyday for 30 days has been easy.   The art is what's keeping me off the floor while I deal with the grief.  I have set up my painting studio in the sun room which is my mini beach cottage.  It is my favorite place to be right now and painting gives me such a sense of peace.    My goal right now is to keeping the painting about the process not the outcome.  Sometimes the outcome is well......less than fabulous, which is ok.  It's about what I learn during the creation process.

I have signed up for two art classes, both  I am really excited about (neither I have time for-but I am doing anyway).  One is a painting class with Dirty Footprints Studio and the other is a artistic photography class with Darra Parker Studios.  Both of these ladies are amazing and inspiring and I am so blessed that they have let me into their tribes.  I am also knee deep in The Love Bomb Revolution which I will tell you about later.

So, I think there is progress on my quest despite the grieving process and my need for silence.  I can tell you that I am more comfortable in my skin now than I ever remember being.....Miss Paisley is just under the surface, I can feel her.

Please Honor My Silence

How are you?  I can't tell you how many times a day I hear that right now.  Everyone who knows that I lost my best friend asks everytime they see me, talk to me or text me.  My standard response is "I'm OK" because it's easier than the truth.

The truth is I'm not OK, my heart is broken and has not even begun to heal yet. I am still trying to figure out who I am without my "no matter what" after 25 years of having him. I am certain that if someone pulls a loose thread on me, that I will unravel into a million tiny pieces.

I am not laying on the floor all the time anymore but there are still times when it's the only thing that helps.  I am upright most of the time but I sometimes have to hold on to something when I feel like I am spinning off into space. That's how I am.

And I am spending a lot of time in silence.  The silence is soothing to me.  The silence is necessary.  Please don't ask me how I am, or how he died, or who he was, or anything else about him in an attempt to be supportive-I don't want to tell you.  I am having trouble getting words to come out of my mouth right now.  All anyone can do to help me through this is honor my silence for as long as it lasts.  I will let you know how I am when I am something besides this.  Promise.